It is with deep regret I am writing this post. I never thought I would be ending Loving Simply – Ralph and Naoma. I was very cautious about jumping into another relationship after my divorce. I waited 5 years until I started a very public love story with Ralph in September 2014. I was in love with a funny, adventurous, caring, and handsome man who came into my life and gave me so much attention and affection that I had never received before. And although I was crazy about him in so many ways, it wasn’t a perfect relationship. I am not perfect, and neither is Ralph. But who is right? And after having so many frustrating prior dating experiences before him, I was wanting to try harder than ever to make this one work.
Ralph is very dear to my heart. He helped me learn to trust and to believe in love which I don’t think I have ever had before. He made me feel desired. I really thought we were meant to be together forever. I thought I was done looking and he would be the one to hold my hand until the very end. And although we had our differences and we both been hurt before I really thought that was something that we both could overcome…together. As we both struggled through our differences we did learn to adjust, make compromises, and continue to move forward for the pursuit of happily ever after and a new life together.
But we were engaged and having to endure a long distance relationship due to his military relocation for a very long time. It was not easy. And it wasn’t going to be easy any time soon.
I know that once this gets out there there will be a lot of questions. “Why?? What happened? You guys were so happy together!” This is a personal question and the details of our break up are private and personal. It simply didn’t work out. I respect our 3 year relationship and Ralph and will not demean it by participating in gossip. There are always 2 sides to the story, and I do not want to give any impression that it was horrible or that it was any one’s fault or that I blame him entirely. In any relationship whether it be husband/wife, parent/child, friend/friend it takes work and desire from all parties to build a long lasting relationship. It was in many ways the best 3 years that I have had. But just like any relationship when you put 2 very different people together from different backgrounds together you start to figure out what it is you are really needing from each other to have the promise of forever last. And then adding in the minimum 2 year long distance relationship aspect, we were in for some very tough challenges that can’t be resolved or fixed when we aren’t always together.
I do not want to get married just to “get married” When I get married the next time it will be forever. Divorce is not an option for me anymore. I am at peace with our decision that we must move on now. Maybe some day our paths will cross again and we can look back at this time as a learning experience and a way we both learned to love again.
We have a lot of mutual friends and our families were starting the blend for our future life together. We had family gatherings, we cooked great meals together, attended my brothers wedding, holidays, new additions, traveling, and the opportunity to go on many new adventures together, and even a blog to document our new relationship. I know that so many of you were rooting for us and were sincerely happy for us. Of course we portrayed the good stuff, the new experiences we had, the things we were proud of. We wanted to share it with the world! Doesn’t everyone though? Isn’t that what social media is for?
But one thing I will not share is the details of why our relationship ended or the private obstacles we were facing, online or with our mutual friends or family. I have reached out to a couple of my close friends for comfort and support. I am grieving and hurting even though I know this is what is best for the both of us. I still lost my future husband and my future life I thought I was preparing and working so hard for. I was trying so hard to be the “perfect wife” for him and in the process I know I lost some of myself.
But I am strong, I know I can overcome this loss. I do not want to be in a relationship that wasn’t meant to be. I know that I am not alone even though I am no longer getting married to Ralph. I will rebuild my new life, I will learn from my experiences from this, and I know now more than ever what I want and need.
I will gradually be “unfriending” Ralph and some mutual friends on Facebook. I am not ashamed of our relationship or breakup, unfortunately, my job is to be on social media and I do not want to be reminded of the breakup. I hope you can support the both of us by respecting that we both agreed this wasn’t good for either of us and not try to question into whose fault it was or why it ended. And unless you were in the relationship, you cannot understand completely what was really happening. I KNOW I gave it my all and that has helped me deal with this adjustment.
Goodbye Ralph – I love you and I hope you find happiness in the next chapter of your life.